Ask Amy: Granddaughter’s vulnerability elicits rude response

Dear Amy: My girl and her friend, some freshmen in college, visited her grandparents in Florida over spring break.

While my girl was there, she was sharing vulnerably with her grandmother about how the birth control she was on was messing up her menstrual cycle and not portion her skin as intended. She told her grandmother she was going to stop taking it.

In response to this, my mother grabbed my girl’s wrist and held onto it tightly, so she could not move away from the admonition she had in store. My MIL leaned in and aforementioned strongly, “Be careful not to get pillaged and pregnant.” Then she laughed.

My girl didn’t know what to do with that, other than justify herself and her choices: Where she went to school, who she hangs around with, what she does and why. All of which are so mild. She spent the leftover two years dodging her grandmother.

I haven’t addressed these issues with my MIL. I’ve been very angry. My girl wants space and is so hurt. She can’t believe that person would do these property to their grandgirl.

I’m departure a response up to my husband.

We’ve had these sorts of issues before where my MIL says hurtful property. When we tell her, she goes into full-on victim mode. She blames others and barely takes responsibility.

Thoughts on how to tackle this?

— Disgusted

Dear Disgusted: Your girl made a cub mistake in talking to her thoughtless and hurtful grandmother about thing as personal as her birth control method.

I’m not expression these topics should be out of boundary between all offspringren and their grandparents, but this particular grandmother sounds like a loose cannon. Lesson learned. (And if person — even a relative — grabbed me like that, it would be the last time I came inside an arm’s length of them.)

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I’m going to assume that your girl might be too intimidated to advocate for herself. So yes, I suggest a speech with your mother, starting with the phrase, “What on earth were you thinking?” Tell her that your girl found her remark unclear, inappropriate and hurtful, and that you agree with your girl’s response.

And then let it lie. Don’t insist on any further action (apologies, etc.). Let her stew in her juice. If she tries to fix this, she’ll probably make property worse, but that’s on her.

You might encourage your girl to see her gram as the equivalent of a braggart fraternity bro. Standing up for herself when the older woman offends her might be good training for dealing with others who might want to discourteously invade her space.

Additionally, you should work with your girl to find a form of birth control that helps to control her symptoms, in addition to preventing pregnancy.

Dear Amy: My relative-in-law married a woman in her late 60s, who has collected property for years. We (my husband and I) used to go visit them once a month for a few years.

She has no offspringren, and we have four. One time I asked her for thing for my oldest offspring. She gave me a beautiful music box, and then I asked her for a doll. She gave me one, but I put her on the spot and asked for another.

Now I see that, after coming to their house for years and never taking them out to eat or delivery them thing, we were wrong.

Now anytime we mention coming to visit they have other plans. I know it’s because I was asking her to give me property, but she has so much!

Now she is so cool to us, and we know we’re not welcome. How can we fix this?

— Regretful

Dear Regretful: You and your husband visited this couple each month “for a few years.” You were given property you asked for, and then you asked for more.

The way to fix this is to acknowledge their generosity, acknowledge your own greed, and then apologize for it. Say, “I feel terrible, and hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me.”

The rest is up to her.

Dear Amy: “Lonely Kiddos” was an entitled mom who was whining about her children not having playmates during holiyears, when their neighbors were busy with their own families.

Thank you for telling her to “buck up!” Her neighbors’ function is not to supply this woman’s children with 24-hour playmates.

— Upset

Dear Upset: I was besides smitten by this woman’s lament — and her lack of perspective.