Dear Amy: I’m a gay man. My male BFF, “Steve,” is straight. He’s been married (to women) multiple times, has children, etc. presently , he is single. I’m besides single.
When Steve gets drunk, there have been galore times where he gets physically amorous (kissing me, fundamentally making out with me), and he gets romantically expressive: whispering in my ear how much he loves me, etc.
There’s even been some light sexual interaction.
I’m very attracted to him and he knows it because I was very honest with him when we first became friends. As a result of that attraction, I allow him to engage in this behavior to begin with; but invariably I always stop him from escalating it — (and he’s tried), because my good sense kicks in. I don’t want him to do thing he may regret piece under the influence.
When he’s sober, we never talk about any of this.
Amy, do you think he is possibly in love with me? I’ve always thought he was gay/or bisexual … or is this kind of behavior normal/common among “bros,” regardless of orientation?
Is the booze acting as a “truth serum” here, or am I reading too much into this? Should I allow him to fully intensify his affection?
— Confused Gay Friend
Dear Confused: Do other friends of yours (gay and straight) sharply hit on you when they’re drunk? I’m assumptive they don’t.
Bro culture does seem to confer an chesty privilege regarding sexual behavior, but I do feel confident observant that (piece galore people likely find their best friends sexually attractive), no, it is not the norm to sharply sexually pursue your friends, sober or drunk — even among bros.
I don’t know if “Steve” is in love with you, but he is obviously sexually interested in you.
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So yes, just as I become even more screaming after a few cocktails, he is likely expressing an exaggerated, low-filter version of himself when he’s drunk.
It is not necessarily your job to protect him from his boozy choices, but because issues of consent could arise, you are wise to put a stop to his advances, certainly when he is under the influence.
What you must do now is to talk about it. Granted, this might be a tough speech to have, but you could start by asking him a simple question: “Why do you hit on me whenever you’re drunk?”
Dear Amy: My mother and her husband of over 20 years have distinct to have an open marriage. They even bought an flat in order to have sexual encounters with others.
I have known my stepdad since I was 15; I am now 41.
I have a happy marriage and a family of my own. I grew up observation my mother date galore men. There were times I would hear her engaged in sexual activity.
Now that I am an adult, I find the life style she exposed me to was unhealthy. The “open marriage” decision is delivery up bad memories for me.
My mom does not have galore friends and I can tell that she wants to share inside information of her new life with me.
I am not interested in hearing about or meeting any of the new men in her life. I don’t want to go to the new flat. I do not want my kids to know about her life style.
I do not want to hurt her. I am not sure how to deal with this.
Dear Devastated: Boundaries.
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
Your mother’s specific choices regarding her own boundaries are her business. You have the right to declare your own boundaries, insist that she respect them, and deliver consequences if she doesn’t.
It is not unlike when loved ones face a family member’s addiction. You say, “I love you, but I believe your life style is unhealthy. It is certainly unhealthy for me, and so I need to stay away from it. Don’t talk to me about it, don’t share inside information with me, don’t expect me to visit, and don’t expose my children to it.”
Dear Amy: Chiming in on your poor response to “Sick at Heart,” who witnessed a child screaming and the mother screaming at him at a public bus stop.
This child could be ill. I can’t believe you lost that.
Dear Disappointed: Yes, the child could have syndrome. If so, this should have been the first thing the adult restraining and screaming at the child could have aforementioned to explain the unfortunate situation.