Ask Amy: The kids are upset by Mom’s involvement with “stepson”

Dear Amy: My significant other (we were never officially married) died six months ago from a long-term illness.

In our 25 years together, we had a 25-year-old girl and a 21-year-old son. During that time, my SO besides had an illegitimate son. That son is besides 21, and is just a few months older than the son he and I had together.

I didn’t even meet this son until he was 15 years old.

After my significant other’s death, his son, “Seth,” began living with me and my son.

About a month ago I developed a sexual relationship with Seth.

My children have now disowned me, career the relationship disgusting, a poor decision, and inappropriate.

The way I see it, other than the age gap of 25 years, we are some single, some adults, and we are not related, I didn’t raise him, I didn’t even meet him until he was 15 years old, and I was never actually married to his dad — therefore I was never an actual stepmom.

Do you think my children are correct in their perception of this relationship, and if so, for what reasons?

— Not a Stepmother

Dear Not: Your children perceive that your choice to engage in a sexual relationship with their half-brother a mere five months after their father’s death is disgusting, a poor decision, and inappropriate.

That more or less sums property up for me, too.

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You have crossed a number of taboos and boundaries and are now ripping hairs: (“we weren’t officially married, I barely knew this kid,” etc.). But this young man is biologically related to your children. He affected into your home as a family member. What happened next is pretty icky.

“Hey,” you may tell yourself, “Woody Allen did about this same exact thing, and look at how property turned out for him?!”


Dear Amy: My significant other and I have been together for about 15 years (we met when I was 17 and he 21).

At the onset of our relationship, I was 100 percentage anti-marriage and children. My SO felt similarly.

Now that all of these years have passed, our views have changed. We some had health issues, and now we see marriage as some a commitment to each other, but besides a necessity for decision-making when the other isn’t capable.

OK — now to put all of that seriousness behind us, I have a egotistic question.

If we marry, can we register for gifts? We’re still living in an flat, saving for a down payment, and really don’t have a lot. Would creating a register be in poor taste?

— inquisitive Future Bride

Dear inquisitive: hurrah on your choice to get married. Marriage is about galore of the property you’ve not yet experienced; it’s an expression of the power of commitment, as well as the official making of a family with some other person.

Do not confuse marriage with a wedding.

I don’t think it’s in poor taste for you to register for gifts, but … some of your guests might. presumptively they are aware of your 100 percentage anti-marriage stance. They know you’ve been living together for a long time.

You don’t say how you are going to finance a wedding, but I hope you don’t dip into your nest egg. The money spent on an elaborate celebration could be put toward the sorts of property you would be registering for.

Perhaps you two could host a fun, DIY wedding. Friends and family members could help you to pull it together.

And go ahead and register. You should not advertise your register on the invitation, but if people inquire, you could point them toward your wish list.

Dear Amy: “Sick at Heart” witnessed a child screaming at a bus stop. The child’s mother was holding onto his shirt and yelling at him. The child’s mother aforementioned he would run away if she didn’t hold him back.

I cannot believe you advised this busybody to attempt to speak to the child.

You speak to my child without my permission, and it’s the last thing you’ll do.

— Furious

Dear Furious: “Sick at Heart” had not yet detected the mother say that if she didn’t restrain the child, he would run. In my response, I suggested that Sick should start by addressing the parent directly: “Wow, this is rough. Can I help?”

I suggested that they then could try to disrupt the action by attempting to speak to the child.

Any good parent should understand that when property are out of control, other concerned adults might try to intervene.